Thursday, 8 December 2011

One for the Gleeks!: Sue

Apologies for missing last week's One for the Gleek's post, but I am making up for it big time this week by focusing on one of the most brilliant characters in modern television. I am of course talking about the one and only... Sue Sylvester!

I know I've already used this image, but it's a good one!

After last week's episode, which saw Sue steal Bieste's potential first love (ahh!) away from her and lose the election, and with her hilarious 'Booty Call' list, she seems like the perfect candidate for this week's post!

The writers for Glee have given Jane Lynch some fantastic one-liners over the past three years, so much so that they have me laughing out loud - literally! If I have missed out any of her best quotes, then please feel free to comment and leave yours below, but for now, here are my favourite Sue Sylvester quotes:

Sue: I heard. And I am literally horny with fear.

Sue: William, I'm devastated, positively horny with grief. As a going-away present, here's a spray bottle of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter; keep the head merkin looking buttery fresh.

Will: Sue, you pulled the alarm. Everything was going fine.
Sue: You know, William, that's what one Hubert Humphrey said back in 1968 at the start of the Democratic National Convention. But then hippies put acid in everyone's bourbon, and when an updraft revealed Lady Bird Johnson's tramp stamp and tattoos above her ovaries, Mayor Richard J. Daley became so incensed with sexual rage that he punched his own wife in the face and spent the next hour screaming, "Sex party!" into the microphones of all three major networks.  
Will: Okay, I'm pretty sure none of that actually happened.

Sue: By the power invested in me by a website, I hereby pronounce you Sue and Sue. You may kiss yourself.

Sue: It’s like Madonna once said: I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. I’m pretty sure she stole that line from one Sue Sylvester.

Sue: If this nation wants to impress its future Chinese overlords, we need to get our priorities straight.

Will: I thought you hated the holidays.
Sue: No, I just hate you.

Sue: Becky, go into the glove box of my car and get me tear gas. Then get me Gloria Allred.

Sue: Bring it on, William. I am reasonably confident that you’ll be adding revenge to the long list of things you’re no good at. Right next to being married, running a high-school glee club, and finding a hairstyle that doesn’t make you look like a lesbian.
Sue: Why would someone assume I'm a Friend of Ellen just because I'm manish and I have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girls' sport and I married myself?

Sue: I'm gonna take your house, your car, your extensive collection of vests. I mean, seriously, Will—you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.

Sue: If your students wanna praise God, I suggest they enroll in Sweet Holy Mother of God Academy on St. Jesus Street.

Sue: (To Emma) I realise you're only half orangutan, but I'm still very allergic to your lustrous ginger mane.

Sue: Know what has no expiration date, voters? My rage.
Sue: Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester. You’re about to board the Sue Sylvester express. Destination? Horror.

Sue: You don't go in that canon and this routine will be all boom, boom and no pow. And that, Brittany, is so 2008 and... late.

Sue: All I want is one day a year where I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. Seriously, Ohio, these retinas need a day off. So here’s the dream: Friday after Christmas, which I have off, if you’re hideous, stay at home.

Sue: Honey Badger I am lactating with rage!

Sue: It's a Britney Spears sex riot!

And of course...

Sue: And that's how Sue sees it.

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